Update

Had a PET Scan and another CAT Scan on Wednesday. This afternoon I have an oncologist appointment to hear the results and hopefully will get a better idea of what I need to do next.

I am trying not to borrow trouble. There is little point in going in to a deep blue funk for days and then finding out that everything is going to be fine, but I would be lying if I said I’m not scared, I certainly am, I still have kids at home and one of those is disabled. I want to enjoy my grandson and the major life events of my other children. I think off and on during the day of what I want to leave behind in the worst case scenario.

I seem to have no interest in temporal things. Nothing I want to buy other than food and and things I have to have, like laundry soap. There is cook book I sort of want but can’t seem to justify it. I can just see buying the book and dieing shortly after, what a waste of money. Maybe my attitude is for the best,  financially this is a nightmare, I need to get back to work soon and catch up bills, but at least I have good insurance so the medical bills are going to be covered.

LOML can’t stand  to hear anything negative, part of how he copes, but I use black humor to deal with stress, if I can laugh at it it is not as scary, I just can’t laugh at it in front of LOML.

I couple of ironic things I have noticed (these are meant to be taken lightly, chuckle if you feel like it:)

1. I had complete hysterectomy,  found out I have cancer and the pathology report shows all the bits they took out (besides the mass) were healthy and cancer free.

I threw away a perfectly good uterus. (a  moot point however as I am post menopausal and don’t need it anyway)

2. I was in so much pain I was considering suicide, I decide against that choice and they tell me I have cancer. There is something very unfair about that.