Had a PET Scan and another CAT Scan on Wednesday. This afternoon I have an oncologist appointment to hear the results and hopefully will get a better idea of what I need to do next.

I am trying not to borrow trouble. There is little point in going in to a deep blue funk for days and then finding out that everything is going to be fine, but I would be lying if I said I’m not scared, I certainly am, I still have kids at home and one of those is disabled. I want to enjoy my grandson and the major life events of my other children. I think off and on during the day of what I want to leave behind in the worst case scenario.

I seem to have no interest in temporal things. Nothing I want to buy other than food and and things I have to have, like laundry soap. There is cook book I sort of want but can’t seem to justify it. I can just see buying the book and dieing shortly after, what a waste of money. Maybe my attitude is for the best,  financially this is a nightmare, I need to get back to work soon and catch up bills, but at least I have good insurance so the medical bills are going to be covered.

LOML can’t stand  to hear anything negative, part of how he copes, but I use black humor to deal with stress, if I can laugh at it it is not as scary, I just can’t laugh at it in front of LOML.

I couple of ironic things I have noticed (these are meant to be taken lightly, chuckle if you feel like it:)

1. I had complete hysterectomy,  found out I have cancer and the pathology report shows all the bits they took out (besides the mass) were healthy and cancer free.

I threw away a perfectly good uterus. (a  moot point however as I am post menopausal and don’t need it anyway)

2. I was in so much pain I was considering suicide, I decide against that choice and they tell me I have cancer. There is something very unfair about that.


3 Responses to “Update”

  1. 1 cancergeek October 19, 2007 at 3:14 pm

    I am so sorry to hear of the difficult situation that is facing you and that you have to deal with. I happen to care for cancer patients and have devoted my life and my work to helping as many people as I can that are affected by this disease. No matter how difficult or dark things get, remember to keep faith in yourself, and the fact that we only are given the things in which we can handle.

    If there is anything I can do to help, or to answer any other questions that you may have at any point in time. Please feel free to contact me and let me know. You can also learn more on my site: http://www.cancergeek.com

    God Bless

    aka: CancerGeek

  2. 2 Linda October 19, 2007 at 3:36 pm

    How did your appointment go? I hope the news was good. I would be so scared too, not knowing what might happen, and how the family might cope. I just can’t believe that you have cancer. I read a few other blogs and cancer seems so to be touching many lives.
    Its so scary.
    My fil passed away from lung cancer. I wish I could help you in some way. I will keep praying.
    Please know that Heavenly Father will give you the strength you need.
    check out this blog too.
    She is going through brain cancer and I know she has helped a lot of people just by understanding what they are going through.

  3. 3 loveathome October 19, 2007 at 5:39 pm

    Thanks for all the good thoughts.

    I do read Heather’s blog and will look at the the cancer geek one also.

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