Guess How I Spent My Summer

I don’t even know how to start. I will leave out the boring and icky details and try to keep it simple.

Early July I started waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep. I developed an incredible pain in my low back and soon was only able to sleep for about 2 hours at a stretch. I complete lost any desire for food, everything tasted funny. I lost a bunch weight.

I ran from doctor to doctor, made several visits to the emergency room and had more tests then you can shake a stick at. No one could find anything wrong.

By mid September I was desperate. I hurt so much that I literally wanted to die. I could no longer work or drive. My husband was afraid to leave me alone. I had convinced my self that Heavenly Father would forgive me if I killed my self.

I had my parents take me to the emergency room at a major university hospital. My visit there went the same as everywhere else, they found nothing. I sat out in the waiting room crying and wrote good-bye letters to my husband and the older boys, but when I got to Coder I realized that there was nothing I could say to him that would make this an okay choice. There was also no way to explain to Sissy that Mommy hurts to much to make the effort to live any more. So, I ruled out suicide as an option.

A couple of days latter I went to yet one more new doctor who finally found the cause of my problems. I had a mass that she believed to be an endometria. She recommend surgery, removal of the mass and a complete hysterectomy.

During surgery they found that the mass was not endomertria, it is cancer.

We are still trying to find out where it came from and what the next step will be. Update: Turns out it is angiosarcoma.

I am relived that I do not hurt anymore and annoyed and scared because it is cancer.

When Sissy was born I checked out every book I could find on down syndrome, I wanted to be informed, to learn everything.

I do not want learn cancer!

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