Archive for January, 2008

A Couple of Quotes

I recently came across two quotes (sorry I do not know where they originated) that I like:

“I am not fighting cancer, the doctors and nurses are, I am only the battleground.”

To say I am fighting cancer implies have some degree of control over this. I really have very little, I make decisions about whether or not to have a certain type of treatment and I pray a lot, but other than that I endure and try to keep my chin up.

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass…its’ about learning to dance in the rain.

I love this! I can mope around and wait for things to get better or I can get on with life. I currently feel good so getting on with life is not so tough.


My Doctor’s Appointment

One more day of radiation YAY!

I saw the oncologist today.

Originally he wanted me to do Taxol, Avastin and
possibly Dubroxin.

We looked at study that showed the combined treatment
did not seem to be that much more effective. Of course
there was no angiosarcoma study.

I can not do Avastin here, would have to go to Mayo.
Since, a far as we know, I am currently cancer free,
we will save that experience for later if needed.

The current plan is sometime after Disney I will have a port put in (why am I afraid of that?) for them to administer chemo through, and then start chemo using a medication called Taxol.

At some point in there they are also going to do an
MRI of the pelvis and and a CT scan of (I think) the
chest, looking for possible recurrences and metastasis. (who knew I could spell that!)

The Royal Life

I had no idea that I had never posted this here. It is from my My Space site, I wrote it a couple of years ago. My theme came out of this piece.

A while back I heard someone on the radio say that if we were living in the middle ages but still had the same life style we have now, we would need a staff of hundreds of people working round the clock to fulfill our wants and needs.

Instead of turning on the TV, I clap my hands and summon my players who perform whatever entertainment I had chosen for the evening.

My dishwasher is a kitchen maid and my cell phone a swift running page. My a car is an magical carriage drawn by the fleetest team in all the land.

My books are created especially for me by a team of tireless scribes, I marvel that they can keep up with me.

There are farmers and butchers, seamstresses and launderers, and all the riches and land needed to support them. I would need a substantial estate maintain my station. I would need a kingdom.

So, I have decided I am a queen. I bought a little crown at Walmart. I am amazed at how a silly little inexpensive thing like wearing a plastic crown around the house can be so fun and motivating. My little kids love it, my husband and the older ones think I am nuts.

But, there is more to being a queen then riches and power, I need to be frugal so I do not bankrupt the kingdom. I need to practice diplomacy, and maintain good relations with the neighboring kingdoms and those people who live within my own borders. I need to remember that I represent the entire kingdom by what I do and say, and how I present my self.

If I am a queen then my husband is the king and I need to show him the respect he deserves and listen to his counsel.

I have a palace that has been run down from years of neglect but it is time to whip in into shape. There is no reason that my royal family should be living in a pigsty.

As a queen I can also afford to be magnanimous and pardon, with a discreet nod of my head, the man who flipped me off on the way home from getting groceries. Since I was not wearing my crown perhaps he did not realize who he was being so disrespectful to. Lucky for him I am not planning any beheadings in the near future.

I’m Going to Disney World!

Next week I complete my radiation treatment (30 rather than 35) and then I’m going to Disney World!

The people at Memories of Love  give Disney vacation packages to parents with life threatening conditions.

We are so excited to have finally something positive to focus on.

Sissy wants to meet Cinderella. Coder is excited about all the rides. Loml is going along for the ride. 🙂 For me experiencing all the rides and attractions with the kids will be wonderful and there are so many things I want to see. Just being somewhere warm will be terrific.

And then I found out about this: 

For my birthday my sister, I take back anything bad I ever said about her, is giving me the opportunity to scuba in the aquarium at Epcot.

I can’t wait!

Why Me?

 I am of course hoping to be here long term, but my thoughts often turn those who don’t make it and I ask myself, why should I be the one who beats this and not them? Why was I fortunate enough to find it early, lucky enough (blessed?) to have it originate in a location that gives me a chance at survival.

The rest of the time I am asking my self, Why me? How can I have cancer? I am relatively young, I am healthy and I have(had) a positive attitude. (everyone tells me that that is the key to survival, “you’ll  be fine as long as you stay positive.” I think I will be happier staying positive but I don’t think it will ultimately
save me.)

But today my dear husband told me why I have cancer, “You used to smoke.” and then I hit him. 🙂