Knowledge is Power

…at least I think it is.

When I am stressed by a seemingly insurmountable problem, I start looking for as much information as I can locate, hoping to find the best solution, but barring that, illuminate the dark, to make the unknowable known. I am not be afraid of something I know.

But I forget that many people do not deal with stress this way. They do not want to know what I just found on the Internet, and will tell me to stop looking, “Just don’t look!” but I can’t stop.

Partly I think they fear for me, for my emotional well being; some of the information I have found is dark and scary, numbers that definitely do not seem favorable, gruesome pictures (even I can not look at these,) and personal stories that too often seem to end badly; but I think they fear for themselves as well. As long as there is no proof that boogie man is in the closet, no photographic evidence of the monster under the bed, there is no reason to fear and they can happily whistle as they pass the graveyard.

But I can’t, I have to know.

There is a lot of good information about cancer out there and quite a bit about sarcoma, not so much about angiosarcoma, even less about deep tissue angiosarcoma, and if you google “angiosarcoma of the broad ligament,” you will get nothing, (or one of my blogs, depending on whether or not google has found me yet,) but even the lack of information speak volumes. The numbers in the few studies I have found are so small, and most of the participants with more advanced cancers that it is difficult to see anyway that they apply to me.

The odds of a person being diagnosed with angiosarcoma, are infinitesimally small, but for me that has all changed, there is a 100% chance that I have angiosarcoma. Now I need to do everything I can to increase the numbers in favor of my survival.

I plan, not just to defy the odds, but to define them. In order to that I have know what is under the bed, no matter what scary thing might be lurking there, but I don’t have to tell anyone else what I found.


1 Response to “Knowledge is Power”

  1. 1 Anna Jarzab December 6, 2007 at 2:53 pm

    Dear Love at Home editor,
    I am working with VOICE (an imprint of Hyperion publishers) on marketing a memoir by Kelly Corrigan, a thirty-six-year-old woman whose life was changed forever when she discovered a lump in her breast. Kelly’s breast cancer diagnosis was quickly followed by her father’s own late-stage cancer. After reading your blog, I thought this book might be of interest to you, and I would love to send you a copy for review or discussion on your website. Please feel free to contact me at for more information.
    Best wishes,
    Anna Jarzab

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