Despair at Home

Today my banner should be all dark and gloomy clouds, the title of my blog could “Despair at Home.”

I am at my wits end.

Coder is completely out of control. (for those of you who do not believe the ADHD exists, come and spend a day at my house) Have I ever metioned that Coder is 14. 14! Who does this stuff at 14??

Highlights of the week include Coder writing on my favorite chair with a pen and trying to suck water out of the toilet with the vacuum, and then vehemently denying that he had any involvement in either incident.

Sissy…I can not even share what she did but it is gross and a care giver in my home saw fit to share with a social worker her exaggerated version of the events so now I get to deal with that as well. This behavior is nothing new, if they had read Shirley’s notes from the last 10 years they would know that, but why would anyone have bother to learn about the background of a handicapped child before coming to their home. It is so much easier to make judgements and paint me as a bad parent.

The company that works with Sissy is short staffed and the staff they have is unreliable. I can not plan anything because I have no idea from one day to the next whether or not I will have anyone here.

My business is booming but I barely have time to take care of it, unless I bring both kids with me and after tonight that will not be happening again. They were awful, rowdy, noisy pesty, my client’s wife was so sweet, she tried so hard to entertain them, but they were no better for her then they are for me.

We do not make much money and the business is what keeps us off of welfare but lately I am thinking “What’s so bad about welfare?”

I raised my two older children with minimal difficulty and what I am experiencing now is completely alien to me. I am in way over my head and have no idea what to do about it.

I don’t think I can do this anymore but I know that quitting is not an option. I want to just sit down, put my head in my hands and cry, but that too is not an option. So I will keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, left then right then left, until things get better or I am finally through.

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