Not the Man My Parents Think I Married

I spent years believing the garbage my parents fed me about my husband. I even happily handed them ammo to use against him.

Everytime we had an argument I called my mother and spilled all the sordid details to her. She would tell me that I was right and that my husband was an awful uncaring person.

My father did not show my husband any kind of respect but treated him as some sort interloper into Dads personal domain. Dad did not even show him the respect a man deserves in his own home. The idea that he was in anyway deserving of respect was offensive to my father.

Dummy me bought into it all. Of course I couldn't keep house, he was not doing his part. Of course I had to work like a dog to pay the bills, he certainly didn't have any ambition. He was stupid and ill mannered and I had to nag him to get anything done. We were completely incompatible and while it was never spoken aloud it was certainly implied that I had ruined my life, but they would be happy to help me put it together again, if I left him, which for some unfathomable reason I was never willing to do.

Over the years I have read more, prayed more and spent time in the company of some very righteous women. I have learned things that could have made my marriage much happier.

One of these things was taught to me by one of my own sons. He was on vacation with Mom and Dad at my sisters and they were all sitting on the porch having a fine game of Bash Roses Husband, when my darling boy spoke up. That is my Dad you are talking about, he said, he is the only father I have ever had and I do not like to hear you talk about him this way. He was 18 at the time and had decided he had listened to enough of this. Later my mother, impressed and somewhat chastened by his words, told me what had happened. All I could think was that a little child shall lead them, and me also.

I try to always think of him as the person I want him to be. A wonderful man, the love of my life. I try to treat him as this person also. The more I do this the more he becomes that person in my own heart.

If we do have a falling out I do not bring it to my parents. Every time I say something negative about him it re-enforces who they already believe him to be. I try to speak only good things about him and perhaps someday they too will see who he really is, a good husband and father, who love their daughter very much.

I am truly blessed to have him.

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3 Responses to “Not the Man My Parents Think I Married”


  1. 1 Glenys May 10, 2006 at 11:05 pm

    That is beautiful. I don’t think we realise how very important respect is not only to our husbands, but our children. I am so glad you now have a happy marriage. Thanks for posting in my blog- I am adding yours to my site- can you please add mine. Blessings, Glenys ,

  2. 2 Wardeh May 18, 2006 at 5:21 pm

    I found your blog off Glenys’ blog. You wrote a beautiful, truthful post. I enjoyed reading this very much. Love, Wardeh

  3. 3 motherofAll May 24, 2006 at 9:27 pm

    Thank you. Sometimes I think I am the only one whose parents are so rude and undermining about her husband. And it confuses me at times.

    He, on the other hand, never smears them.


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